and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
