wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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