I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
