I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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