Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
