The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
