She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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