I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You made out with two different species that night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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