so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
