how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
