Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
