Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
