Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
