a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
