i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
