Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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