This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
