tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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