My girlfriend figured out who you are.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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