you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
