Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
