someone get that fucking seahorse.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
