Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
