Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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