Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
