They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
