I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
