she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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