I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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