could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
FUCK WHALES
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
