Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
