Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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