Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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