So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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