He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
