and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
