There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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