A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
