dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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