Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
