There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
