I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
