He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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