At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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