Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
