I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
