Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
