I wish I could teleport
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
