how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
