Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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