OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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