3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
