Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
