Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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