Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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